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Saturday, June 16, 2001
that thing, about the party, was so jumbled. i'm sorry. but my father just mentioned something about the thing not being at the hotel, and him saying i had to be home tonight. and possibly something about scott, but maybe i heard wrong. oh, and since tomorrow's that father's day thing, so i need to call jesse. actually, know what, i'll e-mail him. it's easier.
i like people. and moulin rouge. and stuff. i'm going to see lots of people tonight, hopefully! if there's time after the confirmation party. alexis, christina, amber, jon, zoe, rachel... someone else? i don't know. i'm tired. i like rachel. she isn't wearing gloves. there's a problem with the party, though. people had problems, i think. so it can't be at the hotel. or maybe it can, but i can't go. and zoe probably can't, either, but maybe i'm wrong. and i can't sleep over. so... we'll see. i'm hungry. Friday, June 15, 2001
Thursday, June 14, 2001
my day's better. i want ewan mcgregor. singing or not (though i think i'd prefer him saying everything's better now that i'm in the world)...
ever had those moments when you hated yourself? yeah, me too... and it doesn't help to have my mother pissed at me and my friends whom she doesn't know at all. i dread giong back to her house. she's been so pissy to me since that stupid clothing thing. i want to just get to natalie's and not deal with this. when jesse dropped me back at the house, i had that depression thing, you know? when you hate yourself, when you know you're the one who fucked up, when you just want to go inside and sleep till it's all over. he asked if i wanted to go to a movie, i had to fight off the urge to tell him the truth, "no, i just want to go inside and be depressed for a while". i left it at no. now my mom's giving me a ride, and she's in a bad mood already. oh, boy.
maybe not, though. my stomach is back to hurting like a bitch. maybe the aleve helped, though. we'll see. i regret that i couldn't have seen shane's play, but you can't be two places at once, unfortunately. or rather, i can't. i have to figure out things. i have to get ilana her history stuff, and have to tell susan i can't go to auditions tomorrow, and have to somehow make it to natalie's house. ack. Wednesday, June 13, 2001
Oh wow. Oh wow oh wow. That was the greatest thing. wow. I hope I don�t leave anything out in the telling. First, we saw Brian Wilson. Of the Beach Boys. And� it was great. The first song I recognized was �in my room�, and I was hooked from there. Nikka, who was there with Adam and who I assume were his family people, made fun of me for my singing and dancing along, but it was great. I had to sing. And then� wow. So brian has played a few songs, and suddenly goes, �this next one, paul McCartney told me was his favorite.� My father leans over to me and says, �God Only Knows�, and he was right. Brian started playing, and about ten seconds into it, the bottom section of the audience starts screaming. They�re cheering unbelievably, and when we look, we see him. Him. Paul McCartney was there. Paul. Of john, paul, george and ringo. He was there, in the audience, sitting and waving at Brian Wilson. They played all these great Beach Boy hits, and it was so much fun. And then� Paul Simon came on. He played every song you would expect. Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes, Graceland, I am a Rock, even Mrs. Robinson. I saw my dad prouder than I�ve ever seen him, too, filled with this joy that was so happy and great and beautiful. Paul Simon played �You Can Call Me Al� and my dad looked to his right to see his teenage daughter singing along, and to his right, to see his grown son singing right along as well, getting all the words and loving the music so much. Jesse was so into it, into all of it. I knew he liked Graceland, but I had never seen him looking mildly enthused at any concert (I had never been to any of the ska venues with him), much less seen him clapping and tapping his foot and singing along. he even jammed out the drum beat on the rail in front of us. It was so fabulous. And when the concert was getting to the end, possibly the first encore, I think it was the second, I can barely remember� Paul Simon comes back out from the wings� with Paul McCartney. Now, I would have felt so privileged to see Paul McCartney sing, it would have been special if he had done any song. I don�t know how many of you knew this, but the Beatles barely toured, only played LA twice, and Paul never did much on his own at all, touring wise. So seeing him sing with Paul Simon already made me feel like one of the luckiest people alive, but then something amazing happened. The song he played was I Just Saw a Face. It was so weird, that that�s what they sang, that song I had asked my father about just the week before, had posted about, had been so intrigued by after hearing the Yale kids sing it, I saw performed live by Paul McCartney on this amazing night. I was so full, I was at that point in American Beauty, when you know there�s so much beauty you might burst. I did. It all came pouring out in this uncontrolled laugh, only not a normal laugh because something�s funny, not even a laugh when you�re overjoyed. Just the mechanics of a laugh. A laugh is when you�re releasing a large portion of air. I was releasing this large portion of GOOD, of great things, and it came out as a laugh would. Only, because it was so good and beautiful and happy, I started crying. And in the same mechanics, I sobbed. I was so full that I laughed sobs. It was amazing. And in closing, Paul Simon sang the Boxer, which made me think of Roach and a lot of people. And the lights were so perfect for it, it further convinced me to think about serious tech work. But the white lights went out to the audience for the La Las, and it was perfect, everyone sang and you could hear it all over. It was such an amazing thing. I hope I don�t forget it.
mr. pait just called. from... my mom's house. spooky. cara's mom offered me a job! but the first rehearsal is the day of danny's graduation, so i'll have to see.
at citywalk, i was in a store, and there was this sort of dorky, fun looking guy behind the counter. it was this comic book type store, and i asked the guy behind the counter, "do you have any handcuffs?" he goes, "do we have any.. hmm.." and i interupted him, and said, "no, i mean, do /you/ have any handcuffs?" it was fun. know what else? at the audition, since i was hungry, bored, and stuck in a kitchen... i ate about twenty sugar cubes. it was insane. too many too many. maybe i should eat some sort of normal food or something...
i started working today. auditions. i mostly just sat in this kitchen above the theatre, greeted people, and sat some more. soem of the girls looked pretty interesting, but i don't really know about the play yet. maybe i was spoiled with Road. my work was easy (today i actually had to make phone calls! kaelan!! *whines*), and there were all these young, cool people. this is all women. sure, there are some young japanese punks, and some early twenty girls, but... they're nothing compared to eric, michael, courtney, barry, danny, nero, pip, meg, oh, just all of them. i'm getting paid, but does that mean it can't be fun? we'll have to see, though. and then, when i go in to change my schedule, i'm going to sign up for that tech intern class, i think. i hope i get to work with jon and Yale Cabaret Blue again. they made me love theatre. Tuesday, June 12, 2001
I went to citywalk with laura and zoe I also got the coolest thing ever, from this really cool store. I don�t remember what it was called, but it was next to and attached to that caf�/bookstore place. And the worker, aubrey, was nice, and flirted just a little, but it was all in good fun. Besides, I got the greatest thing ever. It�s one of those keychains you open and the spring makes little animals move or whatever. This one�s entitled munchin� bunnies, but it is NOT normal. One of the bunnies fell apart. He�s not attached, and his head came off, too! It�s so great. The one rabbit�s head is by the other rabbit, and I�d like to think he chewed it off. It makes me smile. They also had a vibrating tongue, which aubrey made sure to point out. The guy at versaille�s flirted with me, too, as did the guy in the pez store. Though he was mean, and commented about the evil 8 ball�s answer to my question (I asked if I was going to have sex soon. Instead of no, or something remotely nice, it said never. How rude! Not to mention sad�), but still, it was a slight flirt. Can you tell what a weird mood I�m in? I�ve been in. it�s not bad, though. Oh, tomorrow I have to help run auditions. And then tomorrow night, dad, jesse and I are going to a concert. Paul simon, my friends. Gah. And Queer as Folk is on, which I�ve never seen, since we didn�t get showtime until recently. It�s all right. Too soon to judge. I�m in a decent mood�
i love romantic stuff. i love love. god knows i've told brittany about it a million times. i love doing romantic stuff, seeign it on tv, all of that. but... know what? i'd like to have someone wrap their arms all the way around me when beign held, instead of the other way around. i don't think anyone can understand exactly what i mean except me. i think i need this sometime in my high school life. i'd like to be the girl in the relationship. the only girl, even? i don't know. but that whole boyfriend thing could be a nice idea sometime. though i do know, even if i had a boy of my own, romantic ones are hard to find. but god, that'd be fun, wouldn't it? though it is a nice feeling to be the romantic one. at least, i'd like to think i am. i like doing little things, little romantic things. but maybe i don't. i wouldn't really know, huh? i could think i'm doing more than i am. though i do give backrubs... oh, who knows...
*contemplates what "losing wait" would be like* (and yes, i mean spelled like that) an interesting idea...
in the past three hours or so, i have gotten almost exactly half way through Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, read two hundred pages. i really like the book. the movie was already great, but, as always, there is so much more in the book, amd it would've been great if it was in the movie. like the real relationship between Ruth and Idgie, which was slightly hinted at but never really discussed. i remember not really ever thinking that they were more than sister-like friends until Laura's mom spoke to the Alliance and suggested it as a movie we could watch, and i went... "oh, woah, wait a sec..." and could have slapped my self. of course, i had been a lot younger when i watched it before. but that's not the whole point of the book, Monday, June 11, 2001
hey, rachelred, you've seen it three times already, i've only seen it once. i do want to see it with you, though! maybe tomorrow, or something? sometime soon.
Brittany, I found it. What I was trying to tell you, about love. About all of it. �The greatest thing you�ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.� Wow. If you want to understand part of it, see Moulin Rouge. If American Beauty was a good explanation of the beauty you see, Moulin Rouge shows the love. Love conquers all, love is all you need, and the greatest thing you�ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. And the images are so beautiful, like the roses in the end, the city lights, and the dancing, the beautiful first night in the clouds, where if you look closely you can see the city beneath. So very reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet, and for good reason, of course. With the roses, it�s like a cross between R&J; and American Beauty. The story is so beautiful, so sad, but great. I want to see it again. And the soundtrack. God, the soundtrack. The music was beautiful. I can�t believe Ewan McGregor could sound like that. All of it, it�s great. And some of it�s so funny. Like the �Like a Virgin� part, even though it did scare me just a little. I liked all the original stuff, though, like the stuff from the first night, and the love songs. God. On top of the elephant, it was just all so beautiful. I want love like that, something so beautiful. I thought about it, and if I knew it really was love, true love like that or like in Princess Bride, I wouldn�t do what the girls did. Buttercup offered, �promise you won�t hurt him, and I�ll give myself up.� And Satire did something similar. The Lassie dillema. But, if given the choice of giving up the love to save their life, to save him or me, I�d choose death. Well, I think so, anyway. If it was real, like that. Gah. That was a good movie. I need the soundtrack, and I need it again. And I�d like the script to that even more than American Beauty, if only for the lyrics. They were perfect lyrics. But that�s it, Brittfoot. Or pretty close. Suffice to say, I liked the movie.
*huge sigh of relief* i never have to think about biology again. the call was fine. i need to lose weight. and i think i'm going to see moulin rouge in about an hour. i haven't been to a movie alone in a while. i hope i'm not the only one who does that, it's really nice, if it's your thing. like in the Outsiders (one of my favorite books ever. really. the first book that ever made me cry. i think gina still has it. i should ask.). the first few pages are all about how he only likes to see movies alone. it's like someone is reading over your shoulder. so i look forward to it, i think. and it seems like a summer thing to do. walk to the theatre, relac and watch a movie. and the pictures. ah. you went twice, three times a week... sorry. the play digressions will stop eventually. or maybe not.
i was up till 3 last night talking to christian. he's an interesting person. full of ideas and thoughts and things. if that makes sense. it was fun, and besides, i think i owed him a nice conversation after slightly frightening him at maggie's. :) but he seems a nice person, and i hope to get to know him. besides, he signed my guestbook. man, i'm scared of this phonecall. so i'll think happy thoughts till the afternoon. like camp, that's happy. :)
i have suddenly been reminded that i have to call skrumbis today. bastard man. i'm frightened. he thinks i'm a liar. Sunday, June 10, 2001
how interesting. in the credits to Field of Dreams, the last name on the Cast part is the voice. played by: himself. this made me smile. :)
wow. Field of Dreams is a great movie. i'm holding my breath for what will happen next, though i've seen the movie a dozen times. and the story is great, the images are great, the idea is great. it's a... vision. :) it's one of those little things of beauty, i think. that they're always talking about. oh, and from The Longest Journey, i think i figured something out. i think maybe i'm a wave. now jesse, get offline!
I just had the loveliest time at maggie�s (again). There were considerably more people there, but they were all extremely lovely. Except maybe that josh guy, he seemed a little skanky. But danny was there, and marwane, and kate, and jeremy, and zoe, and leila, and dorrie, and so many fun people. And I found out mia knows luke, which was interesting, and I met christian, who now knows I read his livejournal. I find that funny. I hope I get to know him better. It was just a fun time, because I knew most of the people, and tried getting the groups who didn�t know each other together. It worked a little. And I found out mia sort of knows who I am, and I got to know lily a little better (we have the divorced parent thing alike, and were surprisingly the only ones who were in that conversation, which in this day and age, is odd), and I think I got kate to like me a little better, and� there was more, but I can�t remember. What else what else? I would�ve liked to have talked to more of them for more time, but hey, what can you do? Oh, and jeremy was very cute when josh was being� josh. Trying hard not to break the glass he was drinking from. *grin* and danny said something which made me smile, but if I said it, it might make maggie uncomfortable. And when I left, maggie�s mom said something really funny. �so we�ll see you tomorrow at three, annalee?� *smiles grandly* I love those people. So much. I�m going to miss everyone so much. You can�t believe it. I can�t wait for camp, but even then, after that I may not see them for a while, and all those people who don�t go, when will I see them? Man oh man�
wow. i feel popular. and add it to the million pages i got, though they were all from the same girls. (next time, leave an actual number or something. or if you want me to go online, leave 007 or something, eh?) good morning, friends! this day so far has gone well, except for my mother being bitchy this morning. she's somehow just gotten into the angry side of the divorce, and has been bitchy for the past few days. it started the day of graduation, when she didn't like the clothes i was wearing to leave. aside from the shopping, this caused her to forbid me to take any of the recently bought clothes over to my father's house. and the only time in my entire life i tried to use the child-of-a-divorce guilt trip, she said it wouldn't work. while in the past, she's all but begged me to say how torn i am and how difficult it is. but when it gets down to the only stuff that's actual bothering me about it, she refuses to listen. they're my clothes, right? i'm the one wearing them. she bought them, but for me to wear. so why can't i wear them for the days i have places to go when i'm at dad's? sigh. but the rest of the day's gone well. i watched my brother play this game called the Longest Journey, which is actually really cool (not to mention really long), and i actually got to play a bit as well, and figured out some stuff he didn't see. it's a fun game. but then he got sick of it and went to play with the snake's. sigh. oh, well. i like having him here, it's fun. Thank you, Blogger.
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