| Archives |
Guestbook
Saturday, November 24, 2001
my hands are going faster than my brain right now. so i'll be thinking sentences and going so fast that i don't take the time to get all the words in. hard to explain, but i thought it was really interesting. it'd seem like it'd be the other way around, i'm thinking so fast that i'm leaving out words when i type, but it's the other way around. my fingers have to put the words on the screen even if my brain hasn't finished figuring out what i'm writing. it's interesting. i want to get back to the book now. actually, i want to go out, but since i can't, i want to get back to the book. i was lying in bed and i realized that. when i'm lonely, i go to my bed. my worst days of the past summers were spent lying in bed, all of my friends gone, no will or reason to go online, nothing to do, so i just curled up in bed staring at my window or trying to sleep so the day would end quickly. but now i have a book, and that's a comfort. it's nice, really, but i just remembered, is all. how many hours i've wasted away in my bed in my room. but for now, the book is good, and i'm going to do that.
i am just realizing that i am disgustingly short on cash. going out for movies and dinner every day has that affect, i suppose. but i need money. and i think, as soon as i have a decent sum, i'm going to purchase some NoDoz. and maybe some sudafed, but for different reasons. but definitely nodoz.
i've had so much to say these past few days, but didn't blog them, and have realized that, well, i don't really need to blog them. i can keep secrets, or i can just not type things for the world to know. i can tell my friends, if i talk to my friends. over all, though, i'm in a decent place right now. thought i'd share with you all. only thing on my mind right now is that i wish i could get a ride up so i could see mara and anthony, since she leaves tonight. :( but i shall see her again in the winter. and shall probably see anthony at least a few times before then. for now, though, i'm mostly content to sit in my room under my covers (it's pleasantly cold, and the rain has just stopped, which is sad because it was comforting, but all right) and read. i've gotten much farther in Lord of the Rings, which i'm happy about, because i kept telling myself to take this time to finally get farther into it. so i think i'm going to go back to that. but first i shall leave you with this, from the girl who's so sure she's anonymous (though people know who you are, ester): "My darling," she said at last, "are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?" The Witches
i had a good day today. again. this seems to be a pattern. went shopping this morning with my mom, bought new bras (i know you all really wanted to know that) and this awesome jacket and stuff. then went out with mara and saw Sidewalks of New York, which is actually an incredibly entertaining movie. then went to Merging Identities Thanksgiving thing. it was so great. i love those people, that community. it's so amazing. and i saw Danny!! he shaved his head, and i spent a great deal of time just rubbing his head. i missed him so much. and dorrie was there, and this boy Noah, and Aaron, and Lecia, and everyone cool. and we talked and ate and laughed and joked. everyone teased everyone, but it was all in good fun. and everyone laughed. it was great. i love it. then i went out with the big kids again, and met new people and had a good time. and now i'm VERY tired, so i will go. night night! Wednesday, November 21, 2001
today was good. Harry Potter, while lacking a few details i would've liked to have seen, was good. some parts were terribly scary, and i enjoyed it greatly. and the company, as always, was fabulous, even if i started the night off on another planet. there was this adorable 7-year-old girl who sat next to me, though. leela, or leila, i don't know how you would spell it. and, while she kept talking loudly and asking questions through the movie, she was cute. the highlight of the night was when, upon finding out i was 16, she asked, "are you a teenager?" wow.
someone just IMed me, but there was some sort of internal error, and it didn't work. and now i don't know who it was. dammit. well, if you read this and just IMed me, i'm sorry. IM me again!!
my brother woke me up this morning (around 11, i slept in), and asked me if i wanted to go to breakfast. it was very odd. but he paid for me (only because i was all out of money, of course) and drove me to Dupars at Farmer's Market. it was cool. but i'm still tired...
wow. today... was a good day. i realized at the end of the school day that i didn't have a ride home, and that my mother wasn't going to be home until long after mara was supposed to meet me. and i asked a million people, but they were all busy. finally, i got a ride with kathleen and lisa, who are both lovely people, and i got to talk and hang out with them as they drove me home. since kathleen was in something of a hurry, she just dropped me off on the corner of my block, and i walked the rest of the way. half way there, i noticed a car had pulled up next to me. it was mara! a bit early, and i was all in my uniform and such, but it was ok. so we went out to melrose and shopped, and as always, she found cute dresses and i didn't try anything on. and afterwards, we went to hamilton to pick up lauren to take her out to dinner. we got there a bit early, though, and i got to look around the school, meet some teachers and students, watch some rehearsal (it's odd, seeing kids work in a real theatre like that), and talk to people. i said a brief hello to matt wolpe, and then we talked to adam (formerly nikka's adam) for a while, while lauren and her boyfriend fought and made-up. adam's a neat guy. then, we dropped lauren's instruments off at her house, and visited anthony for a breif period of time. his grandmother's funeral was this (last) morning, and he was really down. we invited him to dinner with us, since mara wanted to try to cheer him up. after lauren, mara, and i were there, we tried again and managed to convince adam and anthony to join us for Island's and a movie, which they did. We saw K-PAX, which was all right, but at midnight is incredibly funny and can make you fall asleep at parts. so maybe it wasn't so great, i'm not sure. then we dropped lauren off, and rode back to anthony's to get our seperate rides home. but first, we hung out in the (freezing) street, just talking and joking and hanging out. it was cool. and finally, it was decided that mara and adam would tagteam home so they'd stay awake, and anthony would drive me. and it was a really fun drive home, and i got to know him a lot better. i felt like one of the big kids all night, which made me feel special. though i also realized how much of life i missed out on. how many inside hami jokes i would've loved to know. the teachers, the drama of the orchestra and the musical theatre, everything. they have so many stories. oh, well. maybe i have stories... now, though, i'm so so tired, i need to sleep... Tuesday, November 20, 2001
wow. you know, i didn't realize it at the time (but i suppose that's obvious) but man, we all looked so young in ninth grade. everyone. we really do look older now. i never realized this until just now.
awww. esther's so cute. :) peace, love, and happiness. i hope all the new techies do tech again. we need new blood, we need people to understand what our world is like and live it and pass it on once we've left. that sounds weird, but it's true. who's going to laugh about quaintance speech and make fun of the actors and do all the heavy, tiring, impossible but important and somehow /fun/ work? the tech world... because it is a world... is an amazing place, if you belong in it. and practically everyone involved in it belongs in it. i can't explain. but i want the little ones to do it more. i'm old now. the way those two thoughts just connected... well, it would take a long time to explain, it's taking a long time for me to process. but there is a connection. i'm a junior. i'm one of those big kids, even so far as like rebecca dobkin or someone like that. i'm as old as those kids i wanted to be. maybe, in some small ways, i am those kids i wanted to be. i'm not sure yet, the thought isn't developed, but there's something in me at this moment, and i've got to think...
set strike was actually fun today. a final goodbye, of sorts. people realized (including me) that i am going to miss this play. it was good times. i finished my hamlet essay, even though it's still a piece of shit. but i found out (very fortunately) that, with a few changes, it's now a coherent piece of shit, which is always better. i even did my RRN, so no history over the break! of course you can read this, joanna. unless you can't read or something, in which case i'm sorry. :( i guessed who the guess who was. i'm smart like that. rachel, i don't know what i'm going to do. i know we have an alliance meeting tomorrow (or at least, i assume so, though you didn't e-mail me. but maybe there isn't one), but i also have council. if natalie's there, i'm sure i can miss it, or at least go to it late or something. but if she's not, and i'm in charge, it's going to be harder. i'll see, though. i think those are all my notes for now. except that i might have just heard really great news about this weekend... wow, life can be full of good people sometimes.. Monday, November 19, 2001
this page cannot be found. i'm such a guestbook and blogger whore. if i had a livejournal, i'd be a livejournal whore.
i don't know how i'm going to do anything tonight, or over break. english paper, RRN, math project, and a bunch of other shit.
pictures! thanks to joanna. including: rachel the pimp and
(if either of you, or joanna, would like me to remove these, just ask. though i don't know if joanna reads this. nor do i know much if mollie still does. or even rachel, for that matter. but i would believe her, first.) nevermind. time for school! Sunday, November 18, 2001
oh, also, because i care about my class, i went to see Shallow Hal at the Vogue Theatre tonight. it's an awesome theater, and i had fun, though there were so few people there. our class is going to have no money for grad night. the movie wasn't bad, either. some hilarious parts. you guys should have gone. seriously.
the play is over. i have to do set strike tomorrow. i may never see Chad again. i don't know if i have a ride to school tomorrow. i didn't study enough for my history test. i didn't work on my Hamlet essay. i think i'm going to snap. or just fail a few things. i don't have time to snap. funny, i thought things would calm down after the play. but really, they will. i'll have time. how weird. but it'll be nice. necessary.
I am 58% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET. I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer! Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!
my grandmother called. it's odd to think that this is now the stereotypical call. we talk about tons of things, the play, my grades, nice happy things. and then... as always... "so, tell me about the boys in your life." but then we move on to other subjects. more about the play, and upcoming events, and the dance concert and things. and then i tell her semi-formal's coming up, and i'm excited and going to have fun. and i tell her i'm going with a group of friends, and upon being asked many times, tell her i'm going with a group of gay boys. i can almost hear the sadness in her voice. so i cover it up. i tell her it'd be more fun than going with a boy who's just a friend, because i'd have to spend the whole time making sure he's entertained. and since i don't have a boyfriend, i'd rather have fun myself than worry about taking care of someone. but i can tell she's still sad about it. god, i hate it so much sometimes. Thank you, Blogger.
|