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Saturday, December 15, 2001
finally. now i can share. elvis died today. the ball python, my brother's first snake. he had to bury him out in the backyard. he must have been so sad. he was really into that snake, it was something he was actually interested in. he called him cute. my brother actually thought something was cute. it really sucks. poor Jesse... Friday, December 14, 2001
don't worry about that last entry. mood swing over. my mom bought me a cd burner for channukah, too. so now i have one at each house. yay! as soon as we hook it up, i can make a maroon CD, and download more songs to make really cool cds. so yeah. i'm a happy camper again.
what a day. the winter choral concert was amazing, friends. things like that are pure beauty. it almost made me cry. it was perfect, and helped things so much. i can't say which i liked most, because it was all so great. the rest of the day... the school day was relatively uneventful, at least as far as i can remember. alliance lunch was fun, though we didn't do a whole lot. classes were stupid, i fell asleep in history, i sat around not feeling much in most classes. and as the day went on, it got progressively worse. there were fun moments, like talking to rachel and shannon about sushi, and hanging out with the girls after larchmont, and the car ride, and a few other things, but mostly it was a day of near suicidal depression. i don't know what it was. i get depressed like that, sometimes. no. there was a reason. i think i got sick of all the jokes. the last two quotes i posted, and so many others. i know i bring it on myself. i make fun of myself, so people think it's ok. and i can't really blame them. but you know what? sometimes, i make fun of myself the same reason we can call ourselves dykes or fags or whatever. that way, it doesn't hurt as much when other people say it. i don't want people to feel they can't talk to me about something, so i make it light, i joke about it. but you know what? it hurts. it hurts knowing that my friends all think i'm a slut, even if they are joking about it. that i'm a player, that i just hook up with everyone. fuck that. every single person i've kissed has meant something to me, no matter how long ago, or how many times. and it's fine, to joke about how i've kissed a lot of marlborough girls. fine. i'm not going to stop you. but i haven't slept with everyone. i don't go after everything. fuck it. i'm not going to get my point across, i don't even know how to say it. and i'm not going to stop you from making jokes. i'm not going to stop making fun of myself so you can too. i'll just make sure you remember, a split second after you've already said it, that it really fucking hurts sometimes. god, it was an annoying mood, though. wanna know a disturbing fact? when emily was talking to me about that bet, i was thinking that i could keep the promise if i killed myself soon. i hate it when i'm like that. but the concert made me feel better, as did my friends. even if i was incredibly nervous for so much of it. but whatever. it's cool now. Thursday, December 13, 2001
Lord of the Rings comes out soon!!!!!!!!!! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to see that!!! also Royal Tennenbaums, but later. hey, did i mention Jesse bought a gamecube? it makes him happy. i like to watch.
i actually did some of my math homework. and my spanish and history are done. i rock. my math isn't due till monday (when i have a test). and i really don't want to do it at all. i've finished a few problems, and they're not entirely difficult (it became a lot easier when i saw how corrine did it), but that makes me wonder if perhaps i did them wrong. oh, well. who knows, who cares? not me, i can tell you that.
my test actually wasn't so bad, ingrid. but thanks. my day in general was all right, actually. i have what seems like a lot of homework (though i don't think i really need to do it, but i will), but i can handle it, if i ever get around to it. i put lights up on christmas trees, which was somewhat fun. first it was me and nina, then me and esther, then she left and nina came back. i told nina riddles, and then emily joined us, and she listened, too, but didn't really seem as excited as nina did. :) and then my dad picked me up and took me to my mom's house. confusing, eh? i'm tired. my college counselor's burnett, though. yeah. and... and... there was something else. oh, yeah! this is disturbing. yes, it's all in hebrew, but that part doesn't matter. wait till it loads, and then just look at the picture. i don't know if i agree with everything, but it's a cool graphic. Wednesday, December 12, 2001
are you a photographer? (yes) are you an art major? (uh huh) are you a sex symbol? (oh yeah) are you a professor? yes, i miss you so much. will you marry me? will you be my wife? yes, i miss you so much. ~Kaia, Where in the World is Greencastle, Indiana
thank you, esther, for their e-mail addresses. :) she rocks. now, i should be studying for tomorrow's spanish test, but instead i am online, downloading music. know why? because my burner finally works!! yay! so i'm motivated again to get new stuff. and yes, roach and zoe, as soon as i can get the right order and things, i will make a carpool CD.
dammit. i need to e-mail all of guild, but i don't think i have them on my adderss book on this house. dammit. well, if any of you read this, tomorrow and friday we are doing tree/Caswell decorating for Winter Choral Concert. if you can stay and help, it'd be helpful! for that matter, if any of you have old mail that has the list of Guild people, could you tell me? Tuesday, December 11, 2001
yeah, i remember why this movie is so great. starting when she's sipping water from her hand... and then, her dark shirt, tight black pants, and greased back hair. clea duvall is so fucking sexy. it's insane. i almost stop breathing.
I had a good day today. lunch was fun, with a council party. and decent classes. and then i got to talk to people after school. i actually had an interesting conversation with ashley chisom. who would've thought. and then esther! yay. and i met lots of little kids, like coco and brittany (ninth grade brittany). and now i'm talking to good people, and But I'm a Cheerleader's on!!!!! woohoo!
i am so very cold. but esther's online, and she's telling me a lovely story. and she's so cool. and i'm so so glad i got to talk to her after school today, even if she doesn't say a whole lot in real life. she did talk, though. your story is fabulous, even with such a boring subject as me. :) i love you much, my little one. Monday, December 10, 2001
why am i insane? it's 11:30, i know my mom is asleep. i IM my brother, though, to ask and make sure. but somehow i misread, or forget my question. so when he says yes, i suddenly think that i asked if she was awake, so i call. then he says, "I told you, she's asleep!" i'm psychotic.
have i found a new kid? not that you're still not my mouselet, friend, but i think you're growing up. and not just for the reasons you might think. but maybe i have...
i don't know if i've said this before, nor do i know if anyone would believe it or agree with it at all. but I think the kid from Almost Famous would make the perfect Charlie, if they made a movie of Perks of Being a Wallflower.
i didn't sleep last night. i couldn't. and considering how much sleep i got this weekend... fuck, i'm exhausted. Sunday, December 09, 2001
if you want the rest of his songs, or some of them, anyway, you can find them here: Mookychew's Universe Acoustics. Matt(y) is the coolest.
wanna hear my song?? it's almost making me cry, his guitar and singing. it's just a funny song, not that amazing, but he's so talented!! go here.
Matty actually made it a song!! I'm the happiest kid!! He made it into a real song!! i haven't finished downloading it, but i'll tell you if i like it...
that was fun. a lot of work, but it was fun. you two... are beautiful. and i made money, which makes me happy. the cold was... cold, but singing rent out in the streets was great. now, though, i'm so incredibly tired i could sleep for a week. i had something else to say, but i don't remember. thanks, you guys.
Wow. It�s over. We�ve been working on semi-formal since August, and it�s finally over. Well, we have clean-up on Monday, but the actual dance happened. Wow. It was great. The official start was yesterday, at seven in the morning, when I showed up at school and met with Natalie, setting things up for when the rest of decorations committee showed up. We rushed around, asking the guards and Dr. Whitted to open various rooms and locked doors, getting lights and stars and oriental lanterns and bowties and all the food and drinks and ladders and extension cords and candles and Christmas trees and vines and various other things we needed. We worked for two hours just putting up as many lights as we could, then spent a few more hours trying to figure out how to attach the lanterns, how to focus the lights and make them green, worrying about the flower person and how the arch would look, figuring out the floating candles, and otherwise scurrying about being worried. But by the end of the morning (we finished around 12 or 1, but a few of us stayed till 2), it looked quite decent. Then I went home, and tried to write as much of my Paradise Lost essay as I could. When my alarm went off, I had to get ready for the dance, and a whole new set of emergencies came up (resulting in us flooding our street down to Melrose and not being able to leave the house). But I was finally ready, and we went out to dinner, which Kat and I had to rush out of, because we had to be at the dance at 7. We got there, lit candles, yelled at freshman, and made sure all the right lights were on at all the right levels, and waited for people to show up. And they did. We actually made money. It makes me very happy. There were so many people, and so many people I knew and liked, and I really think people had a good time. And the freshmen were adorable. Well, some of them, anyway. And everyone looked amazing. Whew. And now it�s done, and I�m not quite sure what to do with myself. Scrumbis actually complimented me, though. So maybe he doesn�t hate me anymore. Maybe when they know that we actually put work into something school-related, they like us. Him and Ms. Wagner said it was the best one they�d seen. Maybe they say that to everyone, but still, we felt good. Thank you, Blogger.
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