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Saturday, February 23, 2002
Deconstructing Harry is a really good movie. weird, but incredibly good. and today, if i heard correctly, is esther's birthday. happy birthday, esther jester!! Thursday, February 21, 2002
I just went through a photo album with my mother. She wanted to show me the apartment she lived in in college. But I flipped through to find stuff that looked interesting. There are these incredible pictures of the school she interned at in Florida, a �ghetto school� as she called it. This is Florida, the southern most South, and she taught the black kids, who were mistreated, got the worst of the used books, all the stuff I had read about in books. She taught there, because �I wanted to change the world,� she said. There are maybe three pictures, but they�re incredible. The first one is an upward shot of the kids in the jungle gym, and the second is similar, on the playground. The third is one young black girl, holding her face, and it looks like she�s crying, and a little white boy in the background, laughing. It looks like he had thrown something, but I really don�t know, maybe it�s just my imagination, the dramatic story in my head. Maybe she�s covering her face laughing. But it�s so interesting. �They had hardly seen white people, and they came up,� she reaches over and pets my hair, �and said, can we touch your hair? They were actually in awe of the hair of a white lady.� And then there were pictures of another school she taught at, the class I had heard of a few times. She taught kids with learning disabilities. And these pictures were incredible, too. There�s one boy, with long brown hair, smiling and eating a slice of watermelon. And a kid with freckles on the bus, who Mom says is really shy. And this boy with a silly grin and a sort of sparkle in his eye, who she said she always thought was gay. And from the picture, you can see how it�s possible. And there was one more boy, this boy with incredible, deep brown eyes and a black t-shirt. Mom said he was the poorest kid at the school, and he had four siblings and his dad was the bus driver. And she said he got made fun of so much, because the buses for the school (which was also a residential facility for mentally disabled people of all ages) were bright green, and everyone recognized them, and the children around there would yell �retard� and things at the students. They weren�t disabled, they only had learning disabilities. One kid was only there because he had trouble reading because his parents had gotten divorced and he was depressed. It was so amazing, hearing this. And the pictures were� indescribable. But they were beautiful. And then I told my mother what my father had told me, that their wedding pictures never came out, and how I had always wondered what the wedding was like. Until recently, I never wanted to ask, because with the divorce and all, it was just weird. But Mom described the dress to me, and finally found a picture, so I saw. It�s this pink velvet dress, such a hippy thing, and in the picture, she�s kissing my dad with his moustache and beard and long straight brown hair. They were so happy, and they weren�t really hippies, as both of them keep saying, and most of the time I do believe them. But they were happy. And it�s not one of those angsty things where I�m sad about their divorce because they were so in love. I�m just glad I have pictures of them, so I can have some sort of idea of what it was all like. There were so many pictures of them when they were young. My mom used to be so thin and pretty. There was a picture of her in a bikini, and I was jealous of her being that thin. And there were so many pictures of Dad with his hair and hippy clothes, of their friends, of Mom and Dad traveling through Europe, the hostel they stayed in in Sweden, Dad and his records, and his friends from when he worked at Tower Records, all dressed up in costumes for who knows what. And a picture of Ben and Bonnie, and Dad and Mick, and a picture of Dad with his long hippy hair, and a picture of Bonnie cutting his hair (so they could travel in Europe, Mom said. Customs thought people with long hair were drug dealers), and a picture of Dad with his short hippy hair that still matched his beard and moustache. And there were such stories. And I saw a picture of Grandma with Wayne when he was still thin, and Mom told me she thought he was gay. I couldn�t believe it, but admitted he did have the trademark homophobia of closeted men. And then she told me a story I cannot imagine. That Grandma had once caught Wayne with another man, and he had made up this whole story to cover up why there was a condom in the toilet, and Grandma believed him. And we never talk about that with them, ever. And I never would. But� it�s amazing, the history of people. That we can look back and see things we will never really know, but at least we can get an idea, a glimpse. It really is incredible.
i have 8 pages, which is enough for a rough draft, though the conclusion is a piece of shit. i wish i knew what to write. maybe if i take a break, i can write without sounding like... see, to prove how much my mind is mush right now, i have no idea how to end that sentence. honestly, i stared at it for about three minutes, trying to end it. and that's what the conclusion of my research paper sounds like. Wednesday, February 20, 2002
i'm supposed to be doing my research paper. i really need to. i don't even have half. fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!
I went to Hebrew School today, for the second time this year. It was a very small group, but I had fun. Those kids will always make me crack up, over the stupidest jokes, the littlest things. They are so great. Today: Teacher: "I don't really want to tell a group of fourth graders that Haman was impaled on a stake." Greg is the funniest guy. He's enrolled in college now, which doesn't really surprise me. It is weird, though. He's short. and young. And has sideburns. But I bet he fits in. I've known him since he was in preschool. TIOH... it's such a huge part of my life. Pity I'm growing farther and farther away. I hope I never really lose it, though...
I was listening to Saw Doctors last night, and the song Best of Friends almost made me cry. I'm so afraid of that happening. You can read the lyrics here, but it's better if you could hear it. It's so beautiful. And sad. On my Way is a sort of happier version of the same sort of message. Dude, the Saw Doctors rock, too. They're up there with Great Big Sea, and do a kick ass live performance, too. Check them out. You really should. Gah. I love music, yanno? Monday, February 18, 2002
ok, after a day of online tests and actually a semi-decent (though nowhere near what i wanted) attempt at my essay, i think i'm going to go to sleep now. yes, now, at only ten o'clock, because gosh darnit, i'm tired. i wrote a little over four pages, which is nowhere near eight, but i have time. what an odd concept, finally. i have time. still a busy fuck, but only the normal marlborough busy fuck load, plus maybe hebrew school and sorting some things out. but generally... weird.
This is what I got:
But this one is my favorite:
BWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! I'm Jareth! I'm calculating and determined, and I may well burst into song for no reason. I want to get the girl, rule the kingdom, and wear tight pants. Ahhh, who doesn't?
it makes rachel crack up, however. she is, by the way, a chicken with its head cut off. but it took me a long time to figure that out.
we have a dog. well, we don't own him, but he's sitting in the living room, and wanders around our house. my mom's taking care of him. he's a humongoid dog, a Marmaduke type creature, but really sweet. i like cats better, of course, but he's sweet...
i need to start my research paper. i really do. today, i need to just sit down in front of my computer, with my books open, and write and write. and figure out what the fucking i'm writing about. and spit out at least 8 pages, for the rough draft. why do i have a feeling it won't happen? hmm. well, at this moment, i think i'll get dressed, and see if i have other homework to do first, so i can have the day empty for research. and why do i have this sinking feeling that i'm not even going to do any of it today? sigh...
The concert was great. Amazing. Everything I loved (except Gillian Welch, but that was ok) from Oh Brother and Down from the Mountain. That type of music, that culture, that history, it�s all so great. I�m so glad my dad brought me up with things like that. Every singer or group or song� so great. At the concert, I was just� happy. There were a few moments where I just suddenly realized that I had the biggest grin on my face, and it just made me feel good. I wish you could�ve been there, seen it, seen me that happy and been that happy, heard all that great music. I want to tell you about all the singers, and songs, but I don�t even know if you�d care or be interested at all. But you should listen to the music from Down from the Mountain, and Oh Brother again, and just imagine it all. And the actor guy, Denbar or whatever his name was, actually sang In the Jailhouse Now, and it was hilarious! And his voice is incredible. And the little girls, the three sisters, they�re incredible, too, and the old man singing Oh Death. And the Fairhouse Four. And the Whites, and Emmylou Harris, and so many more. It was just great. But now I�m exhausted, and have things to do. But I�m happy� Sunday, February 17, 2002
the concert is tonight, if that wasn't clear. we leave in about ten minutes. i'm excited. this weekend's been good. dance concert went well, and now it's done, there were good people, good stuff, and today was very relaxed. i didn't do any work at all, just watched good tv and played on the computer. and tonight is good music. it was a day to finally relax after everything. tomorrow, of course, will be a different story. i will have homework, and reading, and the research paper, and i'll be at my mom's, all of which will suck. but still, it's good to have time again. i'll get home really early. i may even go to Hebrew School this week, because Gina asked. (oh, side note, it's really weird seeing her on the door to the Health Room at school) and because i miss people. and just because, i finally have time again. it's been a while since i've had time...
oh, and in case i haven't bragged to all of you yet, I'M GOING TO THE DOWN FROM THE MOUNTAIN CONCERT! the concert for all the people who did music from Oh Brother Where Art Thou? and some other people, too. i'm really really excited! so yeah. be jealous.
dude! partially in response to zoe's guestbook entry, and partially because i just got the phone call, i think this is the official sign i'm done teching for the year, at least as far as school is concerned. I got another call from Michael, a chance to do Yale Caberet again! i'm very excited, even though i haven't really heard a single thing about the actual job or play or anything. but working with them is always great. and while i love marlborough tech, and plays directed by close friends especially, i don't think i can deal with teachers anymore, and this is more of an opportunity for me. i can't really explain, and i do feel bad, because i know i said i'd help, zoe, but aaaaaah. i don't know. i really want to do this. of course, for something like this, i can't get extensions for homework or tests, which does suck, but it always makes me happier and stuff. and... yeah. i have to figure out if i can get time off from them for spring break, but other than that, i think i'm going to do it. i'm excited.
the show went well last night. i had friends there, the techies had great costumes, i wore my cow slippers, and best of all, the show went well and we didn't have any mistakes, the dancers were wonderful, and the show was good. and i felt proud of my work. that doesn't happen a lot, and in reality, i know that i messed up and i criticize myself still, but i was still proud. and the techies made me a card and thanked me especially, which was really cool (even if... grr) and for the first time in my life, people recognized me after the bow. I went into the living room for the reception, and people came up to me, asked "you did the lights, right?" or "are you the girl who ran the lights?" and told me i did a good job and stuff. it was... weird. i was wondering where you had gone, though, cait, but i sort of expected something like that. grr. and i was jealous and upset i couldn't go to Jerry's, but i probably wouldn't have fit in, and anyway, i was tired and stuff. so it was all right. it's just weird to think it's done, i guess... on monday, i'll go home at a regular hour. and i think i'm done teching for the rest of this year. i've done a lot, i need a break. finally some free time. it's been too long. Thank you, Blogger.
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