The Broken Hearts Club is a cute movie. sad at parts, but cute. and it's got good music, mostly strange covers of Carpenters songs. but i like it. and andrew keegan is in it. and the guy from Scrubs. and the guy who played Superman. and the main guy is really hot, too. and everyone is so cute.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 3:52 PM

i can never get sick of Singin' in the Rain. the love stuff is beautiful and the music is great, and the dancing, and all of it. but especially the love stuff. I Would, Would You, and the thing about Angels.

but really, i love it all.

Moses supposes his toeses are roses...

and Donald O'Conner rocks so much.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 2:11 PM

it's a little bit funny, this feeling inside. i'm not one of those who can easily hide.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:51 PM

i just had a vision. a hypothetical situation of sorts.if i walked somewhere far away, and then just... stopped. and waited. like... that place outside the westside pavilion where i met the holocaust survivor that one time. or outside the old freeway entrance coming home from laurence. or even somewhere nearby, like on waring way past highland. and just found a place to stand, and stood there. until my feet got too tired, and then i would sit. i could stand for the day, and then sit for the next few days. eventually i'd pass out from hunger or something, i think. i think that would be the point. just not do anything. depending on where i was, different things would happen when i passed out. if there were people, they might notice and call the hospital or something. if not, i'd just lie there for a while. either way, someone would probably come along eventually.

i wonder if people ever do that.

and more importantly, but not really, i wonder how that came into my head.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:49 PM

by all and deep by deep
and more by more they damn their sheep...

that was a long time ago. and i doubt she would remember.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:43 PM

i want to cry some more. (i know, in a little bit, i'll tell myself, be careful what you wish for) i was going insane earlier. no, really, like the people in insane asylums, not just the people pretending to be like them. i was laughing hysterically about nothing, and i couldn't stop, and then i would cry or stifle my screams with the pillows, and none of it was for any reason. and i was talking to myself, and talking to myself in the mirror, and just flailing around. i don't know how i calmed myself. tv of some sort, i think. maybe buffy. yeah, that was probably it. except i kept being weird again about riley.

you know (to completely change the subject), everyone is always sad when i say i'm in south pas instead of melrose. and i know i do, too, because then i'm so far away from everyone. but i like it here so much better. aside from little things like tv and the food, i like the privacy of my room, i like the big bed to comfort me. my father barely comes in to my room ever. if i don't mention something, he won't ask about it. but he's there. i can be alone when i want to, but it's cool. i can't really explain. none of this is coming out right. and i'm being really rude to the two boys talking to me right now. or at least, i'm thinking rude things, i think i'm being polite when i type it. or else they can't tell. nevermind. these are all unconnected.

ha. that's funny. talk to me, god dammit.

no one needs me anymore. did anyone to begin with? maybe not. but i made myself useful. i shall have to try to do that again.

fuck. this isn't working. maybe i should go to sleep.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:24 PM

I've spent the last thirty minutes or so crying my eyes out. over what? over a television show. Dr. Greene's death on ER. i was completely bawling. this shouldn't happen. it's not real life.

and i knew that they would play iz's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. it was obvious. but it was the only thing they could have played. it was beautiful, and that song has always meant something to me. just because it was beautiful.

but i'm still red eyed and tearing, but it's a good cry. it's a celebrating life cry, even if the life was fictional. fuck that. it was a million lives. anyway, it was a good episode.

i've been relating to too many tv shows recently. or maybe not relating, but getting really involved. i'm trying to figure out why. maybe they're easier than real life. maybe they're happier, even when they're sad. maybe they're not so stupid. maybe a lot of things. but i've been crying, and loving vicariously and hoping against hope for the romance between people who don't even exist, whose fate is determined by whatever the writers decide. and that is what i care about.

i don't have the words to explain, maybe because i don't entirely know what i mean myself, but that's been going on a lot recently. and now i'm crying, and it's very odd, and i want to figure it out.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:10 PM

thank you, rachel, i appreciate that. i feel better now. :)

yes, estherly, technically he is. he got married at 17, i believe, but two months, or maybe years, now i don't remember, they got separated, and are going to get divorced. he said so. but they're still friends. so... yeah. who knows.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 6:54 AM

i think McCauley Culkin is gay. but i may be wrong. he's 21 now. he still looks like a kid, and even speaks like one. but it's cute. he would be someone i would like to be friends with.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 10:11 PM

i want to go to a club and dance with beautiful people in tight clothes who i don't know. i want to have a fake id or be twenty something and be just allowed to.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 9:39 PM

Awww! not it's Brush Up Your Shakespeare. which is really a great number. and no one ever remembers the context it came from. it makes me smile. :)
posted by Annalee Fannan at 8:40 PM

aww. Kiss Me Kate is on, and it's my favorite song. I'm Always True to You Darling in my Fashion. i used to be so obsessed with this show. It's a fun movie, and it's got great songs...
posted by Annalee Fannan at 8:33 PM

Ok, so I�ve been a little on edge and tense all afternoon. I got home early, after sleeping in the car. I think I�m just nervous about the AP World exam and my Spanish final, and other rather useful stuff, but anyway, I was all tense and jumpy and nervous.

Ok� so I have a confession. Recently, I�ve been� *deep breath* watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, I know, it�s horrible, and I�m terribly ashamed. But ever since I heard about the whole Spike and Buffy thing, I�ve wanted to watch, for some reason. Maybe it�s his accent. I don�t know, he�s hot. I�m terribly ashamed, but I can�t seem to stop. Since I don�t actually know what time it comes on, I�ve only been watching repeats on FX, but they�re pretty up to date, I think. Anyway, not important.

The thing is this. When one is tense and jumpy, the absolute last thing you want to do is watch the episode entitled �Hush�. It�s really fucking creepy. Having most of the episode in complete silence, and then those really, really creep guys� Fuck, it�s just terrifying. I jumped, and had to hug my stuffed puppy dog. Not like me, you know? Especially about something I�m so adamantly against like Buffy. So yeah. That really was a scary episode.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 8:27 PM

i need a new journal. maybe i'll get something from Borders or somewhere. not quite sure why i'm sharing this.

aww, i don't like when Keith and David fight. it's sad. maybe i'll go to sleep. but i hate sleep. i really do. at night, anyway. i'm off, anyway.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:30 PM

Which Member of the Endless Are You?

i don't know what the Endless is, either.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:27 PM

i think it is her. on her walls or something. seems like it would be, yanno?
posted by Annalee Fannan at 7:52 PM

Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where have i heard that last line before? It sounds so familiar, and i don't know why. almost reminds me of maggie or someone like that for some reason. anyway, it's intense. i REALLY like Yeats.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 7:51 PM

i'm still sick, but i feel a bit better, and i'm done with my first ever AP exam, and done with calculus and basically math for the rest of high school, and in a week i'll be done with history, and in a week and a half or so i'll be done with physics. so that makes me feel better. good luck to all taking exams, again.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 7:40 PM

i am tired and sick. sick and miserable. and now i have to take an AP. i hope i do well, because i'm terribly worried and rather unprepared. i'm confident about the multiple choice stuff, but i've never been good at critical essays. grrr.

good luck to everyone taking an AP exam today. and all this week and next.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 6:50 AM

hey, little mouse, you were entry 666. spooky, no?
posted by Annalee Fannan at 6:49 AM

wow. happiness. I finally found connection last night. most definitely. which is why i'm currently incredibly tired beyond belief and so not in the mood to study for my AP. (we got maybe two hours of sleep)

and finally, a girl who doesn't go to marlborough. not that there is anything wrong with anyone at marlblow at all, of course, it's just... it's always been marlborough. rawr, i'm not making sense.

but i had a really great night last night. and we made hot chocolate from scratch, and dipped strawberries in our own melted chocolate.

jeez. finally. the tension has been there since... the retreat. and last month, of course, but she had that boy. and it was there all night, and nothing even happened until around 5 am, except that it was so completely comfortable having her in my arms on the couch.

hmm. happy. curious as to where this is going (does this mean i actually have to have one of those "talk" things people are always telling me about? i'm too much of a guy to talk), but we'll see, and it's all good.

and now i'm really tired, and i think i'm going to make lunch.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:47 AM