You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
posted by Annalee Fannan at 1:33 AM

i still feel ill. when will this go away?
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:47 PM

the concert tonight was incredible. about a dozen amazing rhythm and blues musicians, jamming and feeling the music flow through them, as blues musicians always do. made me grateful for my dad, and my friends.

too tired now, maybe more later.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 11:44 PM

it makes me very happy that you can download Steven Lynch, since he is one of the funniest comedians ever, and sings really funny stuff. i suggest Superhero, Special Fred, and If I Were Gay. ingenius.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 7:20 AM

The seniors are leaving.

The first time this affected me was ninth grade. Amber was leaving, and the X-Files club was leaving. They were in Hawaii, and we were all disappointed because they were missing the season finale. It was the end of an era, the end of parties at Amber�s every Sunday night, of Skrumbis on the door and all over the house, of laughing at the Truth, and the end of the memories they all had, of cake and nights on the beach and Michaela�s plays and a thousand stories I knew so well even though I had not been a part of them.

Flash forward two years, and it is another end. With pictures of Mulder and Scully alongside, Skrumbis made his last appearance at an X-Files gathering, and we had our own memories.

The seniors are leaving.

You may wonder at the sudden burst of nostalgia. It sounds very corny, I know that, but it just hit me. It just hit me that if I go online tonight, I won�t find Kaelan telling me �it�s late, Ms. Fannan� or understanding just how funny it is to respond to something with ��� And it just hit me that she won�t be there reading this and laughing, because she�s in Hawaii. It�s her first night, she�s probably drained from a day of excitement, but at least one night I know she�ll be up at midnight with nothing to do wishing she had an internet connection to go on AIM.

And it hit me that Zoe won�t be a short walk away, a constant, the closest thing to �neighborhood kids� I had. In a few months, she won�t call asking if I want to hang out, chill and watch movies or Friends or X-Files reruns, play Nintendo. She won�t be five blocks away.

The seniors are leaving.

They�re in Hawaii already. They graduate from Marlborough and leave for college in a few weeks. The 8th graders. Julia, my stage manager. Leila, my cabbage girl. Molly Noah, my gossip. Jamice. Chloe. Hana. It goes on and on and on.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 5:41 AM

tonight was much like last night. no work, just tv and computer. and i wrote in my awesome new journal.

now, if you pay that close attention, which i'm not sure you do nor do you need to, you may be wondering what i'm doing up at 5:40 (or whatever time blogger believes it is) in the morning. well, i woke up at 5 with a stomach ache, feeling too hot and too cold, not finding relief unless i curled into fetal position. oh fun. this is similar to how i've been feeling most of the day.

so yeah. the stomach aches i used to get are back. i sometimes think they're just my nerves, but even then, it sucks. maybe i should just buy a thing of Pepto-Bismol.

anyway, i feel a little better now, maybe i'll try to get back to sleep soon. ugh. i fear that once i lay back down, though, it'll come back. i really don't like this.

it's wednesday. can i handle sleeping in?
posted by Annalee Fannan at 5:39 AM

i am so worried sometimes, and so afraid. but i will never tell.

i'm getting good at secrets these days. i wasn't, before. the only question now is if anyone else is.

oh, well. not important. i have done nothing tonight. haven't opened my backpack. i watched lots of tv, though, and played on my computer, and even tried to organize my CDs better, finally deciding that i need to go out and buy a new case. i have at least 30 CDs that don't fit. hmm.

now i am downstairs, because i wanted to go online but didn't want to be on AOL. no offense to anyone, i just don't feel like talking at the moment.

i have the tape of X-Files, and i'm happier now that i have it. only thing is, while emilia was driving me back, she told me that, while they were taping it, the power went out, and about five minutes were lost. as my dad repeated the information when i got home, i was so terrified that, with my luck, it was the only five minutes that mattered. but after hours of painstaking rewinding and fast forwarding, i found it, found the beautiful, amazing, incredible, intense kiss that makes me cry every time i watch it.

so yeah. that's my update for the moment. have a nice night, y'all.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 8:55 PM

the most disturbing part about today, though. at YLP graduation this morning, they had a cake for us. and it was one of those cakes that they're advertising now, with the real photos put in icing. and that was weird to begin with, but the part that made me uncomfortable was the fact that my piece of cake had sonia on it. i was unsure what to do. eating it was weird, but so was throwing it away. i think i'm going to stay away from those types of cake from now on.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 10:29 PM

This has been an incredible weekend. Really truly, one of the� I don�t know the adjectives to describe it, and interesting has lost its meaning.

Friday night was an insane, incredible party, where the good so much outweighed the bad, where I got to experience things I had heard about, got to experience so much more than even I had imagined. Saturday night was a party I had looked forward to for so long, a part of a tradition, something that, as corny as it sounds, mean something, if simply that I am ready to be a senior, and that I am a part of Marlborough. And saying that might usually send a shudder down my spine, but this was a good thing. And then this morning, the culmination of a program that has meant so much to me, yet not the end, just another step in something that is incredibly important for me. And then tonight. The last episode of X-Files ever. And as stupid as that may sound to some of you, this was important. This made me cry both in happiness and sadness. And good friends and good food and such a great episode. My only regret is that I didn�t tape it at this house so I can�t watch it again and again here, can�t see the kiss and the love that was so clear.

I have school tomorrow. I have a project due and another due maybe the day after, and two finals to study for. And there are two other things in my life to worry about, two things that are so huge they can fuck me over seriously for the rest of my life. But right now, as insane as it all is, for the next few minutes before I go to sleep, it�s still the weekend, and that is enough.
posted by Annalee Fannan at 10:27 PM